Two Kids 101

It's been nearly a month since I've posted anything here... It's just one of the many things I wish I had time for that just doesn't seem to fit into the day. A friend of mine tried to prepare me for having two...

"You know that 10 minutes of the day that's just for you?? You don't get that anymore."

So true...

Both kids are sleeping at the moment and while I should be frantically getting ready for bed and lying down for 60 seconds before one of them wakes up (because that's just how Murphy's Law works) I'm choosing instead to write something. Quickly.

I'm still juggling away and actually finding a routine of sorts. I'm on a ridiculous allergy elimination diet for Jacob's sake. Pros: Jacob is a MUCH happier baby and I'm about 10 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. Cons: I can count the number of things I can eat / drink on two hands and wine is NOT one of them. Neither is coffee.

Which leads me to the lessons I've learned so far from having another baby...

1) I can justify a glass of wine at 10 a.m.
2) Pumping breast milk is FASCINATING to toddlers. Before I just felt like a dairy cow. Now I'm a dairy cow with an audience. Sweet.
3) Newborns and toddlers like to melt down at the exact same time. Then they get together and snicker about it. Or they would if Jacob could snicker.
4) Just because a trick worked for the first baby doesn't mean it will work for the second. Hair dryers and car rides were magical for getting Emily to sleep. Jacob acts like I'm torturing him when I put him in his car seat and the hair dryer is like a challenge and yes, he CAN scream louder.

Still learning. It's getting easier and I love my babies very much... Even when they're conspiring to send me over the edge. Do they make a low-allergen wine?? Just checking.

And baby makes FOUR!

I'm happy to announce that our baby boy is here! Jacob William was born on July 2nd following a relatively easy labor and delivery. He looks very much like Emily did when she was born minus the chipmunk cheeks and we love him very much. Em has been fantastic as a big sister aside from a few rough kisses on the head. She frequently wants to see "Baby Jacob's little baby hands" and is very much looking forward to teaching him how to eat an ice cream cone. Whatever.

I've been asked several times how Jacob is doing. I know there are babies out there who sleep really well from the get go (or so I've heard). These are easy going babies who are content and generally happy all of the time. I don't have those babies! Poor Jacob is struggling with the same reflux Emily has. When he's not sleeping, he's usually crying and we're trying everything we can to soothe him. We've started a trial of meds and I've given up dairy to see if that might help. Hopefully we'll see results in a week or so... Fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I'm attempting to juggle two. Sometimes it works well and others I feel like a circus act gone wrong. On a good day (e.g., right now) I'm typing a blog entry, bouncing on an exercise ball, and enjoying a glass of wine while my fussy baby is strapped to my chest. A not-so-hot moment took place a few days ago when my son started pooping mid-diaper change. Without getting too graphic, you should know that nothing comes out of Jacob without an exceptional level of force and quantity. My hand was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Emily chose that exact moment to walk into the nursery bow-legged to announce, "Mommy, I pooped on my leg!" Of course you did. Moments like these I remind myself that God wouldn't give me more than I can handle. Then I start questioning whether he has me confused with someone else or perhaps he just gives me too much credit! Either way I'm pretty sure He was laughing at that moment. I know I was!

I'll let you know when my circus act goes on the road...

Did you really just say that?!

Things I don't want to hear while taking my 10-minute shower:

"Mommy, I broke the wall! It's OK... Sometimes little girls break walls." WHAT?! Make that a 2-minute shower. Thankfully she had just picked at a scuff in her closet -- hardly the gaping hole I'd envisioned when I was frantically rinsing my hair.

Today it was, "I drew you a picture!" This is so nice... except for the fact that I DIDN'T LEAVE PAPER OUT FOR YOU. I love Crayola for making washable crayons. I suppose coloring the inside of her easel isn't really a big deal in the scheme of things. It's not like the time she colored the closet door for me -- Thank you, Olivia, for teaching Emily about murals.

I have a whole list of things I really didn't want to hear. Sometimes they're things that come out of her mouth (e.g., "If that's how you're going to be, then FINE!" followed by a door slam) and sometimes it's something I've said and wished I didn't have to...

"Please don't play the piano with your feet."
"I don't think Blue wants you to stand on him, Honey."
"Emily, We don't play with our bottoms at the table."
"Do you ever see Cinderella spit out food she doesn't like?"
"If you don't stop, you and Alex will both get a time-out."
(Alex is Em's imaginary friend. How exactly did I plan on following through with THAT one?!)

I can only imagine the things I'll hear when there are two of them running around the house. Or three, depending on whether Alex is still with us!

Pick and Choose

There should be contests for who has the pickiest eater. I realize this is an incredibly common toddler trait, but I'm pretty confident we'd at least bring home a ribbon if not the Big Kahuna trophy.

It's improving... Kind of. At least now Emily understands that all of the Apple Jacks taste the same, so there's no need to request "just the green ones." I'd guess only 1 out of every 25 Apple Jacks is green and it's not like Crunchberries... They don't make a box of "Just the Green Ones" (I checked).

Emily would eat nothing but eggs, cheese, and bread if we let her. She pretends to like food and even requests things on occasion only to take a single bite or make an art project out of it. I asked the other day, "Are you going to eat your Cheerios?" "No, I'm just going to make a caterpillar." I appreciate her honesty.

I like to think that if your first kid is a picky eater, then the second will eat anything. This little boy will be requesting hot sauce by one year. That's how it works, right? I get one of each -- girl and boy, picky and not. I'm making this up, of course, but it sounds good to me.

Our son is going to be a rock star when it comes to sleep -- none of those 20 minute naps we were blessed with the first time around. He'll be SO healthy! Reflux? What reflux?? We won't have to relive the crying (I'm hungry) followed by crying (that hurts) and more crying (both of us). No expensive prescriptions or GI tests either.

I only want the opposite when it comes to things that were difficult with Em, though. Is that too much to ask? I had a relatively easy labor and delivery. Really hoping that doesn't mean I'm due for one of those horror stories everyone likes to tell pregnant women about (Seriously, folks... Stop already).

I know expectant moms all say the same thing -- "I just want a healthy baby." This is the part where I roll my eyes. Of course we want healthy babies!! I'm not going to pretend that's all I want. I'm hopeful for all of the good things and none of the bad. Aren't we all? Health is number one on the list, but it's not the only thing. Easy labor. Sleep. Hot sauce. Or at least be willing to try the red Apple Jacks. Please?

Say What??

I let Emily watch YouTube clips of My Little Pony in the mornings while I get ready... There's one clip in particular where the ponies are in a heated argument with a herd of buffalo. They're arguing over whether the land should belong to the buffalo so they can do their stampedes or to Apple Jack's family for growing apple trees. Highly realistic story line, right? Bear with me... At one point a pony yells, "It's not fair!"

And so begins my daughter's use of the phrase "It's not fair." It's not fair when I tell her it's time to go. It's not fair when I want her to take a bite of breakfast. Nothing I do is fair anymore.

She's very good at picking up lines from books and screen and trying them out on us. This morning we walked down the stairs and she asked, "Is this a mountain?" No, Corduroy. Lately, I ask her to stop doing something and she asks, "Do you forgive me?" This tends to get some funny looks in public. I can thank Ni Hao Kai-Lan for that one. When I come home from work, she likes to quote her favorite line, "Mama Llama, You came back!"

Today I heard a new one and I'm not sure (yet) where it came from...

"Mom, You're so boring!" (said with a smile while riding in the grocery cart)

"What?! That's not a very sweet thing to say to people! What could you say to me that is sweet instead?"

"Mom, May I please say you're so boring?"

Close... At least she understands that magic words = being sweet. We're moving in the right direction. I suppose I should just remind her that I don't call her boring. That's not fair!

Passive Agressive Parenting

I had some beautiful preconceived notions of what my adventures in parenting would look like prior to having a baby... Rocking my daughter to sleep at night, reading stories together, playing games and teaching her new things. All of these scenes were full of laughter, love, and a warm fuzzy feeling that I would be a good parent.

Fast forward almost three years to a scene that took place earlier this week. We were driving in the car and I offered Emily a bite of my cereal bar.

"That's MY cereal bar."

"No, Honey, it's actually Mommy's cereal bar and I'm sharing it with you. Would you like a bite?"

"No, you DON'T take a bite of my cereal bar."

Admittedly, this is where I could have taken the parenting high road and continued on a mature, good parenting path. I was exhausted, sick, and getting kind of fed up with the new "that's mine" stuff. I ignored her protests and took a very large, slow, passive aggressive bite of MY cereal bar. Then I reached back to offer her a bite. Emily took the bar and threw it into the seat next to her!

I said, "Emily! That's not OK! Do I need to pull over?"

"You don't eat my cereal bar!"

I actually followed through with the age old threat of pulling the car over. The problem with this is that I had NO idea what to do next! I got out of the car, fetched the cereal bar from the seat beside her, took ANOTHER bite (Am I 12?!) then closed the door, and thought, "What am I doing??" She was already in her car seat, so a time-out was out of the question... It's not like I had anything to take away or reinforcements to offer and what would I be asking her to do anyway?

I got back in the car and tried to think of how to explain why Mommy was acting like a nut, but when I looked in the rear-view mirror she was fast asleep. Let's just pretend that didn't happen, shall we?? I drove her home, carefully took her out of the car and walked in slow motion as I carried her to bed. I was on my knees covering her with a blanket when I remembered the popping sounds my knees tend to make when I raise from a kneeling position. Very pregnant and crawling feels funny, so I imagine it looks equally as strange. I slowly crawled to the door and prayed to God she would stay asleep!

I'm not proud of my parenting choices I made that day, but I don't think I did any major damage either. Note to self: Grow up before you decide to teach your daughter a lesson. I don't even like cereal bars!

Toddler Time

Toddlers have no sense of time. I know that. It still kills me, though, when Emily acts like something happened years ago. She melted into a tantrum as we pulled up to the house last night. "I want out!" That's not how we talk to Mommy. Em responded with some impressive yelling. I told her she could stay in the car until she calmed down and sat on the rear bumper while she screamed for literally 5 minutes straight. Neighbors walked by and I gave them a look that said, "I totally know what I'm doing here." (Liar)

Finally she calmed down and I opened the door to ask if she was ready to be calm and sweet. Not only had she completely regained composure, it was as if the whole scene hadn't happened at all. In fact, as we walked into the house she said, "Remember when I had a tantrum in the car?" As if it was SOOOO long ago!?! She was over it. I suppose to her it was a long time ago.

On a related note, I'm waiting not-so-patiently for a clock I ordered online for Emily. I'm not interested in teaching time concepts, I'm interested in getting another half hour of sleep in the mornings. The day we moved Em into a big girl bed was the day she dropped her habit of sleeping in until 8 or 9 a.m. (those were the days). She's all smiles and laughter as she runs into our room and I love when she crawls into our bed for a cuddle. I just want it to be at 6:30 instead of 6. Is that too much to ask? The new clock has a picture of a sleeping bunny. When the other picture lights up (the one where bunny is out of bed and playing), she's allowed to get out of bed. We'll see if this actually works... In the meantime, I've asked Emily on more than one early morning, "Remember when you used to sleep in and we were both well-rested?" She just laughs and says, "No, silly!" Yeah... Me, neither. It really is beginning to feel like SO long ago!